Day 11 – Pub o’clock

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Went to the pub tonight, first major challenge as quite a high risk situation for me. If I’m in a pub, I tend to want a pint or several. Stuck to pints (there’s just something reassuring about a pint!) but this time they were of Coke or orange and lemonade, not cider. Still enjoyed myself as I was meeting friends who are always very entertaining company, and who I used to work with at Mind in Taunton & West Somerset, where we would drink a lot of tea together. Still I couldn’t help feeling that alcohol would have enhanced my enjoyment. As the evening wore on and the pub got busier and louder, I had that feeling of being somehow separate, on a different wavelength – sober, basically.

I’m a quiet, introverted type and I often feel I’m “two drinks behind” everyone else, and a couple of drinks really help me to feel at ease, more confident and less inhibited. That’s definitely one of the positives of alcohol for me, not worrying so much socially. There’s a downside to that too of course…embarrassing myself by talking complete rubbish, getting an idea in my head that I won’t let go, falling over, losing my stuff, and relying on alcohol as a social prop.

It’s nice to know I can be in a pub and not have to drink alcohol, and that there’s no chance of waking up tomorrow with a hangover (which seem so much more hellish as I get older), so I think on the whole the pros of abstinence outweigh the cons, at least for the timebeing…but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t tempted.

It’s now a third of the way through Dry January, the “honeymoon period” is well and truly over and as another dry weekend kicks off, there’s still a way to go before I can sit a a pub with a pint of cider. Please sponsor me at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/bethanfisher – running total currently a very respectable £277. 

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6 thoughts on “Day 11 – Pub o’clock

  1. Whatever we feel, sober people in the company of the intoxicated do not really stand out. Drunk people in the presence of those who are sober however…
    Also, I read “losing my stuff” as a metaphor. I think I am going to start using it in that sense.

    • Wise words Jem.
      But “losing my stuff” as metaphor for what exactly?! I meant it literally as in losing my belongings but I guess it could mean all kinds of things (often song-related!) along the lines of losing the plot, losing my edge, losing my mind, losing grip, losing my religion…?!!

  2. The feeling of being “two drinks behind” is one that I recognise, and is always there no matter how much I drink, it is like playing “catch-up” and never quite getting there. Think of “Dry January” as month with no hangovers, rather than a month with no alcohol.

    • Thanks Chris, it’s really an illusion that drinking will help uncomfortable feelings isn’t it. Alcohol/drugs provide an artificial high, a kind of fool’s gold – which only exists because real gold (genuine confidence and being at ease with yourself) exists, and this is what we really want to have. Drinking to self-medicate anxiety, whether social, generalised, or withdrawal-related anxiety, doesn’t cure it, just postpones it and exacerbates it in the long run,as you have to keep using more and get in a very negative cycle. I’m thinking of Dry January as a month of learning to be comfortable with discomfort, if you know what I mean!

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